I caught my teenage fig tree looking at Penthouse Chia Pet magazine! What is a parent gardener to do?

Explain to him that interspecies relationships are frowned upon under your roof and make him stay in his pot for a week.

I caught my teenage fig tree looking at Penthouse Chia Pet magazine! What is a parent gardener to do?
You need to let him explore his options, it may just be a stage he's going through. If not, you need to accept him for who he is and embrace the diversity of your home. It's common for young figs stretch their limbs and become what they are destine to be. Maybe introduce him to a (mature) Chia and you could become the proud grandparent of a lovely little hybrid. ;)
Reply:thank god he wasnt looking at men...that would make him a teenage **** tree...
Reply:Do you sell Chia pets or something?
Reply:Wow, what a naughty little fig tree, but it's a teenager so not too surprising. I would not let it have any potassium for a month and mess around with the ph level. That oughta teach em'
Reply:let him look all he wants but not to pet the animals
Reply:You should be as strict and overprotective as possible. Tear up the magazine in front of that dang teenage fig tree, toss it in the fireplace, then put a tarp over the tree so it can't do this naughty thing again. And I wag my finger at that teenage fig tree. Shame, shame, shame.
Reply:tell your fig tree................................. to stop figging around.

and Chia magazine are for older and bigger balls of fruit

.......................... ; - )
Reply:Cut it down before it gets too late!!!! Man, these irresponsible, teenage fig trees, how ungrateful can they get!
Reply:his hormones are raging of course, just make sure you have the talk with him and that his or other seeds dont explode!!!! There are all kinds of weeds and problems that can arise from plant love!